breasts

When I am sick I break out in a blotchy red rash on my neck. I don't think it has anything to do with any one particular illness, I get it for all sorts. I can tell when I am not feeling well and haven't really noticed the symptoms yet by this red patchiness all over the front of me that soon things will be worse than they are now. These are the days that I wear my hair down.

Today my hair was down. I have come down with mastitis again. Last night I had a fever of 100.8 (tonight 101) and today by 3:30 I had a very strong desire to lay on the floor in my cube. I left by 4 feeling like I was floating above myself as I drove home in the beginning of rush our. I kept thinking, this is a good example why the medical world tells people not to operate machinery while taking medication. I tried to take some medicine I had left over from the last time this happened but it didn't seem to be doing the "repair" to my right boob that it should have. I looked up the symptoms online of untreated mastitis and scared myself into calling the doctor for a new prescription. I do not want to experience a surgical drainage.

Last night I took to bed about 8pm as I thought just getting lots of rest would do the trick. When I woke up this morning my house was covered in food. Again, I can not imagine Helio allowing food to sprinkle his living room floor in his Mexican bachelor pad. But because I am out of commission but still in the house he allows Levi to eat wherever he wants. I had to put the food away before I left for work this morning. That was- spaghetti and noodles on the stove, plates full of food on the table, dumped over cereal on the floor beside the bed, not to mention the pile of dirty dishes.I texted Helio on the way home and asked him to pick up dinner. When he got home he totally played that man trick- what do you mean, I thought your message said you were picking up dinner. He is a liar. He knows exactly what that text said.

So, I was fevering in bed, needed to pick up a perscription and find a way to mashed potatoes as I had been craving them most of the day and I certainly was not going to ask him to do my bidding. I was going to show him how dumb he was by going myself. (the message was not received)I left to pick these things up angry. I just think he should offer to do things like this when I don't feel well. Honestly, I don't want to be sick, I don't bring it on and mastitis just sort of comes at you from nowhere. (well it does for me) I went to Walgreens and sadly KFC but not in that order. I was dripping in sweat in my red fuzzy socks with the rubber bumpers on the bottom and my good ol Esko Football sweatshirt. I kept up my anger towards him while I was gone thinking, didn't he say in sickness and in health?...So by the time I got to the pull up window at Walgreens and the lady told me that the fax still hadn't come through and it was "still on the way" I felt violent.

I am home now from a return trip to Walgreens. I have another batch of antibiotics. Helio is smartly staying in the other room and has changed his tone. I will take more medicine and sleep some in hopes that tomorrow brings back good health. I have about 8 more months of this breatfeeding and he's done. I will try to be a better mom and not count the days, just the weeks.

I've been out of commission

My computer died on me. I had to have the motherboard replaced and because I opted to have some "Mexican guy" Helio knew repair it, it took nearly 2 weeks. It threw me off my groove. However, my laptop does not overheat and shut off suddenly anymore and I have a new keyboard, modem, motherboard, plug port, and I'm sure a bunch of other things that I don't know about all to the tune of $200.

This is my third week back to work and I am getting into the swing of things but feel scattered. I forgot that when you don't devote your life to filling your bookshelf with garage sale finds that there are many things to be responsible for in a day. I got a letter in the mail on Tuesday from Countrywide Mortgage Lending making me aware that one of their now former employees has sabatoged my life. S/He gathered all of my information and sold it to a third party. The short letter pretty much read- Dear Manda, sucks to be you again,...good luck! Yesterday I pulled my credit report and discovered that some clever person tried to purchase a car with my ID last May and attempted a home purchase in August- both a closing company and a mortgage lender pulled it then. I am sort of overwhelmed with all of the agencies that I must make aware of my misfortune. I feel I am always sorting something. I will have to take it in pieces and somehow I will be done with it all. It brings back all the unpleasant feelings of filling out paperwork like I had to with immigration.

Helio was laid off two weeks ago so as I expected, we are hurting tremendously financially in September. I have a friend who I consider a gypsy- I think I may have some of those gypsy powers myself. I was certain there was going to be some sort of something that made us even poorer than we already are with regular incomes before we were both seeing full paychecks again. Well, I don't think I have cried, and because I am still nursing, I haven't been able to drink my fears. Maybe I am coping?

Winter is coming. I am back to fighting Helio for fresh air at night. I love a room with cool air and crisp breeze from the window above my bed while sleeping. He waits until he thinks I am asleep and reaches up to close the window. Of course, I wake up (because I am sweating) and open it. Its a non-stop battle in our house. Hopefully all my credit issues and money whoa's! (and woes) will subside and I can participate in a normal life. Its nice to have him back to fight over the window with-that's normalcy- last fall I was still wondering if he was ever going to be back.