gonna run away with the singer

Download Kings Of Leon - Knocked Up

throat and nose

Levi is having hit tonsils and adenoids removed tomorrow and I fear that I may become an ogre towards Helio for it. In times of crisis or possible tension Helio falls into himself and goes away to never-never land. In other words, he is sort of like the walking dead- zombie like. This is one of those reasons why I tend to spend much of my time googling my friends via my blackberry when something big is going on. It’s a habit I have learned. I like feedback. I also like for someone to be able to handle my outbursts that illustrate minor moments of fear and anxiety. Eventually, I come around and I know that things will be fine. However, it is the way I mentally process- first everything is falling apart and we are all gonna die, then within 5 minutes or so, I have rationalized things for myself, taken a deep breath, and move on.

I would like to be able to vocalize my fears with someone. It would be great if Helio could be that sounding board. Instead, during the procedure tomorrow he will drill me about if this is the best thing to do, what are the bad things that could happen, and if we were in Mexico, how everyone would be nicer about it not to mention the cost of the whole deal. This would be reason #2 I shut down with him. I don’t want the questions and I don’t want to worry about all of those other things.

Maybe I need to give him a set of rules tonight. I think setting the stage of allowable material during the 40 minute procedure might save me some wasted energy at shooting him evilness with my eyes.

An All Time Fav

Download Morgan Page - The Longest Road

st. jude

the patron saint of Lost Causes, need I say more?

the basement

La Virgin- please help my husband to figure out how to pull his head out of his ass and finish the basement. I have become more angry, more threatening, more unpleasant. I can not handle his Mexican craftsmanship and failure to complete a task.

I have been waiting since last April for this small project to come to an end. I have tried every angle I can think of. I have collected about 5 different phone numbers of people who could either come help or take over the project, I have had my father come for days to narrate what needs to be done, I have for nearly 12 months looked for activities each weekend to keep the boys out of the house.

With your wisdom and your kind understanding, please kick his ass and cause him to feel shame in his total lack of motivation. This blessed union depends on it.

Kindly,
Your Catholic patron when necessary- mcm

01.13.07 Day 26, Mexico Trip 1

We did not make it to D.F. We decided it would be better to let Levi swim some more and take it easy. We had many people to say goodbye to and we wanted to take as much time in the sun as possible.

I was feeling a little nostalgic today about having to leave Mexico and that I was sort of getting used to it and then we went swimming. We got into Atotonilco for the sixth time today with our wrist bands that we have been safeguarding. Helio went to park the car and we decided it was best to enter separately as to not draw attention to ourselves. (I pretended I knew no Spanish) Whenever Levi sees water he wants to dive right in. So, I quickly coated him in sun repellent and put his swim shorts on. As I was wading in the water with Levi crawling around by my feet I noticed a group of girls behind me. They were all pointing and laughing at me (or maybe us, Levi and I, but it wasn’t nice) I did my best to continue to watch them so that they would stop but they didn’t. Levi then decided that he was tired of the pool we were in and wanted to go over to the pool right by them. So I had to chase after him. I grabbed Levi and started to march back to the pool we were in previously when I looked up one of the girls actually stuck her tongue out at me. I usually stumble in a situation like this but I was angry by then. I just looked at her and said “nice”. I felt like I was in third grade again.

I tried to ignore this minor incident and go on with my day. Then Helio left me to go out to buy some tacos. I was again in the water with Levi when a little boy of about 5 years got out of the pool, walked across my towel, pulled his shorts down, and put both of his hands on the stone wall behind my towel and peed. His mother and other company all thought it was hilarious. When Helio returned and I was packing up our things to relocate he asked me what was going on. I tried to explain and he said “oh all kids are like that”. I would just die if Levi did that next to someone’s stuff. Especially if they looked foreign as I wouldn’t want to make a worse impression of what they may possibly already think.

We drove back to Cuernavaca to stay at Conchita’s one last time and take a bus from there to D.F. in the morning. Our flight leaves sometime before 2 tomorrow. We checked in at the boutique with Conchita and she offered to watch Levi tonight so that Helio and I can actually have time alone. I had given up all hope that we would actually get to have time alone so I am thrilled. I will miss Mexico and especially my hombre that has to live in Mexico. Hasta la proxima, (until the next time)

01.12.07 Day 25, Mexico Trip 1

1Day TwentyFive- 01.12.06, Friday

We picked up Juan in the morning and went swimming. It was great to have him for the whole day. He jumped right into calling me “Auntie”. He really is such a sweet kid. I want to buy him all sorts of things he doesn’t need but I am afraid of offending someone. Helio and I went in the evening to buy him a new pair of shoes for school and I feel like I didn’t do enough. Whenever I suggest to Helio that we need to buy him toys he gets upset so I have done my best to control myself.

After we went swimming the four of us went back to Antonio’s house. He bought a few presents for Levi and was so sweet. You can truly see in his eyes how proud he is to have a second grandson. I think his nervous habit is to continue to feed or do stuff for his company. He cut up some coconuts for us to eat with his machete no less (they eat the meat of the coconuts with lime, chile, and salt) and drink, gave me peanuts, and wouldn’t stop offering every beverage he had in his fridge. After I thought he had exhausted all possible things to offer, he quickly sprang up from his chair to water down the garage/kitchen with the hose. I have no idea why. It was just all of a sudden very important to do so.

We then went into Cuautla (the five of us) for dinner. We ate mojarra and coptel de camarones (shrimp cocktail). I tried to ask Juan things about his dad but it doesn’t seem that he knows much about him. Which makes sense because he is always in the United States. I tried to offer what information I knew about him. Things like he built me a fence, he likes to eat vegetables, and he knows how to fix cars. Juan told me his favorite foods are shrimp and beans. Then he kept asking to eat the eyes of the fish I was trying to eat while avoiding the head. Of course, I wasn’t going to eat it so Helio plucked out the eye and little Juan ate it right up. To my surprise, fish eyes are much bigger than they appear. (thinking of this makes me feel a little gag-like, I need to stop)

We walked around downtown and looked for a store for shoes to purchase those school shoes for Juan. It was one of those moments again where you try to down play the whole thing because you don’t want to cry. Antonio gave me a rose, bought the boys these balloon figures and did his best to be a loving father-in-law/grandpa. I think it was a moment for him as well. I couldn’t help be overwhelmed with the feeling that this is “his” family. -Something that he hasn’t come to appreciate until his later years.

As Helio was paying for Juan’s shoes Antonio, Levi and I walked back to the car. Antonio used to work in a government department down here that is similar to the police. I asked him if he knew of anyone still in office that he could talk to on our behalf. He seemed to think that he might. I guess one of his very good friends used to work in the embassy down here and he thinks he could talk to him to see if he could connect himself to someone that could help us. He promised that he and Helio would go to Mexico City to talk to some people and see what they can do. (Wouldn’t that be amazing if it actually helped us). We parted ways in the street and he was crying. I think that is the stamp of approval. I believe I made a good impression. I asked him to “cuida mi esposo” (take care of my husband) He seemed to be thankful to do so. Sometimes it takes a woman to come into the mix to bring to light that which you have in your hands. I could see how he lovingly talked of Helio, his grandsons, and how he would do everything he could to help us in this immigration thing.

When we got back to the house in Jona, we just watched TV (with bad reception and in Spanish but it was Law & Order so it felt a little regular). I finally had to go to sleep and Helio tried to finish the show but fell asleep on the sofa. For a moment there, it felt like we were just any old ordinary family. I had to get up to bring Helio to bed so we would all be rested to pack in the morning and take advantage of our last day. I can’t believe this whole trip is over already. Well, on to pack all the dirty clothes, hopefully everything fits in my suitcases.

01.11.07 Day 24, Mexico Trip 1

Conchita took Helio, Levi and myself out for breakfast today at a restaurant named I Sanborne’s. (Susan and Jonathan left for Minnesota at 4 am this morning.) I would equate it to a Byerly’s. It was great, I had French toast, bacon, and a real cup of coffee (not Sanka). Sanborne’s is in a mall. When we arrived, I totally felt like I was at home and I could see Levi’s face light up as well. He ran through the mall. I think I am in love commercialism the more I see how walking into a well lit mall makes my heart race. Conchita and I had a lot of time to visit alone as Helio spent most of the meal casing after Levi. It was nice to just sort of get to know her more. She is a very kind woman and the more I am around her, the more I respect her. I just have to get used to the sort of pushy nature of her and the rest is cake. After breakfast we walked around the mall for a while. Levi and I found a magazine stand and Levi laid on the floor to read something that looked like the Mexican version of Highlights, I miss magazines. I finally found a Starbucks but I had to decline as I tried to drink as much coffee as I could at breakfast, I just can’t win. We walked through the mall and found a few very cool clothing stores and nice shoe shop. Conchita insisted on buying me some new leather boots. That moment felt like one of the longest moments of my life. I kept trying to get her not to buy the boots but she looked wounded that I wouldn’t let her. I broke into a sweat all over. I had to try on both boots, model them around, get the opinion of a few sales clerks and then help her pick out shoes for herself. As much as I am warming up to her, it felt weird to jump right into fashion with her. Baby steps, baby steps... The Mexicans like to dive right in. Just like when I met Helio, he started telling me that he was going to marry me a month or so into our getting to know one another, and through a translator. They just see what they want and go for it.

Helio told me about Mexico’s new pet control policy. In general, many cities have had big problems with mangy dogs (and I can attest to it, I have seen many in my short time here) and so the big dogs decided they needed to do something to clean up the mess. Instead of catching the dogs and bringing them to the pound, there is a group of guys that goes around looking for dogs. When they find them, regardless of how mangy they are, how little they are, or how much someone loves them, they douse them with a bucket of water and then connect the wet dog to cables that are attached to the big battery they tow around. Wow, I don’t know what I would do if I saw that. Mexico is messed up.

Helio has been telling me for years that the stars are super bright in Jona and that one day I need to see them. I have sort of ignored this but now really think it is true. Being from the North Country, I thought they were bright up there, but here, it is nearly distracting. They are so bright and it draws you outside in the night.

Helio explained another tradition to me last night. As we were driving back to Jona he pointed out some vans and people with La Virgen t-shirts. At first I didn’t notice that there was anything in particular happening as there are often times big vans decked out with Our Lady Guadalupe, there are random cars pulled over on the side of the road and there are always people standing road side in the night. I guess the Catholic folks down here make a promise to La Virgen to run from Jona to Mexico City in some sort of relay. Of course, it has to be on a major highway and in the dark, I think the more dangerous, the more dedicated Catholic you are.

I think it is sad that everything is behind a fence here. There isn’t much civic architecture. Everyone is afraid of being robbed, because it happens all the time, houses and public buildings for the most part are all built behind a fence. It does help me sleep at night knowing that if someone wanted to rob me of my laptop they would have to get through a big locked metal gate or jump the roof where of course, there are broken glass bottles coating the roof line. (I have seen many houses that actually have razor wire all along the perimeter of their house, I will send photos) When we pull up to the house here in Jona, we drive along a two lane street that does not have a shoulder and a small sidewalk on either side. Helio puts his hazards on and has to back up traffic as he unlocks the gate and then backs into the drive behind the gate. Everything is built out to the street. It makes everything feel very closed off and congested.

We went to meet Helio’s mama de verdad (real mom) today. I was so nervous as I have spent many hours of my last 5-6 years being angry with her for not doing everything in her power to be an actual mother to Helio (she totally ditched him when he was about 4). I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hide it. Her house is right outside of Cuernavaca. We drove up to what I think looks sort of like the projects from what I have seen from Central Duluth hillside and movies of cities that have “the projects”. We were greeted by one of her daughters (from a different relationship other than Helio’s dad). We waited on her sofa for about 10 minutes for her to come home. (she was somewhere in the complex visiting with someone) Of course, I was afraid to touch anything but Levi was trying his best to catch the two goldfish in their fish tank. When she arrived, I was totally floored, she looks nothing like I expected. This is awful, but she is very very unattractive with very bad teeth, I don’t know how Helio is so beautiful and has such great teeth because he had many strikes against him to start out with. Maybe it is that you can just see her life all over her and that is what makes her unattractive. It was a little difficult to swallow her walking into the room to see Levi with open arms and say “I am your grandmother, give me a kiss”. I was so proud of Helio sitting next to him there in her house. I know how he feels inside but he was so polite and kind. She kept giving him marital advice which I don’t know if I could have handled if I were him. I nearly had to walkout of the room when she asked him how old he and Alan are. Instead of walking out, I waited for the tears to subside while I turned my attention in the opposite direction to the TV. Sara has like 4-5 more children aside from Alan and Helio and it doesn’t seem she remembers the first two she had. It was weird to see Helio try to ask his half sister to come outside to take a photo and say “vamos afuera, aaaaa, como te llamas….” (let’s go outside, aaaa, what’s your name?)

I have bites all up and down my legs because I was eaten alive by mosquitoes when we went to Conchita’s borther’s house to swim. Or course, I started scratching like mad as we were visiting with his mom and half sisters. (One’s name is Erika and the other, not sure) -Totally a nervous habit of mine to scratch all over when I get a little uncomfortable or anxious. So, Sara wanted to do the motherly thing and help as a good Mexican woman does. I so wish I could have stopped but my hands just kept going right back to the bites on the backs of my legs. She kept offering to coat me in lime or rubbing alcohol. I finally had to let her rub me down with rubbing alcohol. I opted for that as I thought that the lime might attract more bugs.

The apartment smelled a bit funky and the air was so stale that I kept coughing. Perhaps it was just that I didn’t want to absorb anything of her and that is why I felt like I was going to choke the whole time I was in there. Luckily, I had a bunch of cough drops in my bag and ate a few while we were there to keep me from holding my breath or running to the street for fresh air. They were good and strong so the only thing I could smell after a while was spearmint Halls.

I didn’t realize that she knew about Levi and me. I guess Alan has been over to her house and shown her pictures of our wedding and has talked about us. It was reassuring to hear that he has said good things about me. I totally thought he hated me. Sara went on and on about how lucky Helio is because I work and that there aren’t many women who work and expect everything to be handed to them. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t work. I explained that it is easy to work when you do what you love and you have great people to work with. Aside from having a fantastic job, I would be so sad if all I did all day was make meals, clean up and visit with the neighbors. I don’t know why anyone would want that for their life.

I tried to keep my distance as much as possible. Levi on the other hand made himself right at home. As I was trying to get him to stop running into the back bedroom they kept saying to me “Dejalo” (leave him, he’s fine) So I did my best to relax. I let him run around a bit. He went upstairs with one of the girls to see a couple dogs and kept walking into their kitchen. Then to my horror he walked over to the table and grabbed a box of Corn Flakes, took the bag out and plopped down on their sofa to eat them. I tried to stop him but as they kept saying “dejalo”. He spread Corn Flakes all over their house and they wouldn’t let me clean it up. Then Sara wanted to give him things, she gave him a big yellow ball they had upstairs and a bottle of baby shampoo. (huh?) The people down here are fascinated with his hair.

The ride back Helio talked a bit about our visit to Sara’s house. He said he just doesn’t want to get close but tries his best to respect her. I told him that he never has to go back if he doesn’t want to. (she wants to cook for us before Levi and I return home, I don’t think I can handle a meal there) As he was reflecting on our experience he said “the thing that makes me proud is I have my own family, home, and life outside of all of that and I did it in a country that isn’t mine”

The Mexicans love fireworks. However, their fireworks are not like back at home. I still have yet to see a pretty explosion in the sky. I only hear the noise. On our ride to Jona, I saw a few of these “fireworks” and there isn’t anything to see, it is just a stream of smoke and a poof, bang, then nothing. It sort of reminds me of the holidays down here. There is a lot of talk about a big party or celebration, then everyone gets together and it never feels like anything gets going. We are all just gathered together and then, poof, bang, I just want to go home because there is nothing happening.

We returned to Jona in the night. Our baptismal pool has turned green in our absence. I guess Helio was right when he said “things could be worse” when I was complaining about bathing a 5 gallon bucket. Now there are many insect varieties floating on the top of our bacteria filled swamp. This is the water that I am supposed to bathe, brush my teeth, and wash the dishes with. I still haven’t figured out what I am going to do.

I should stop writing here; this is becoming a long entry. I have many more things to say but maybe they will have to wait until I get back. -Just a few more days.

01.09.07 Day 22, Mexico Trip 1

We spent the morning visiting with Rafa and Paloma. It was so weird to hang out the four of us in Mexico. (Susan, Rafa, Helio, and myself) Rafa is such a nice guy. We hung out in their backyard and tried to keep their parrot from biting off my kid’s fingers. They offered us elotes (ears of corn) which of course we had to accept. Jonathan is such a trooper, he will eat anything. However, the elotes they gave us, I swear had been sitting in a pot in the back for the last week in the sun. Paloma brought over the bowl of them and asked “would you like them prepared like this or with lime and mayonnaise” I quickly stopped her from doing any more work to the corn. It is considered a treat to eat corn plucked from the ear in a cup with a spoon, lime, chile, cheese, and mayonnaise. It looks like one of the most vile ways to eat corn that I could imagine. As I was walking past Susan to keep Levi from something I whispered to her, don’t take the corn, it’s gross. She is a quick study- she declined when the bowl came her way.

We drove out to Taxco today from Cuernavaca. It was amazing. It is beautiful, clean, and so romantic. I wish we had more time to spend there. Helio told me they are responsible for most of the world’s silver mining. There was a silver shop every few feet with lots of options. You would think I would have purchased a lot but we didn’t have a lot of time. We arrived around 5pm and had to find some food. Of course, the plate they brought me was disgusting and I had to eat the bread that came with it to get full. I thought I was playing it safe by ordering soup and salad, but when the guy came out with a tray and tray stand to prepare my Caesar salad, I quickly realized that those were not hard boiled eggs they put their Caesar salads. He stirred up raw egg and then put full leaves of romaine lettuce in the bowl. I tried, I honestly tried to eat it but I just can’t eat a bunch of lettuce leaves with raw egg on it. (Jonathan explained this is how they prepare Caesar salad in Australia as well if you need that information for the future)

We made many comments through the day how strange it is to have Jonathan the English guy here in Mexico. The English apparently have lots of rules and protocol. The Mexicans- absolutely do not. Jonathan said that he thinks it is amazing to see all the colors and to witness all the yelling that goes back and forth between Mexicans. It makes the trip all the more fun to see a Brit have his exchange with the Mexicans.

We stayed at Conchita’s again Tuesday night. It was good to be in a nice, clean house but I just couldn’t sleep. I think it was my legs aching from going up the hill the day before. My resting period in Mexico, I think, has come to an end. I haven’t had a good night’s rest in three days. One night I listened to full traffic all night and slept in a twin bed with Helio and Levi at the hotel. (The roads down here do not normally have weight restrictions so you get everything from a noisy mope head without a muffler to a semi on the same road, not to mention the foot traffic, oddly I have heard a lot of ACDC from car stereos down here) The following night in Jona without moving air, and then Tuesday just plain couldn’t sleep. Soon, I will be in my own bed, I just wish Helio could be there too.

01.10.07 Day 23, Mexico Trip 1

We spent the morning visiting with Conchita and Solomon. She made breakfast for us (beans, eggs, quesadillas, and fresh orange juice) which Jonathan and Susan love. They keep saying they are in heaven here with the food and I just can’t seem to understand how. Solomon likes to take shots at me every now and then because I won’t eat the papaya (even Levi has no problem with the papaya) I just don’t understand how someone can get over the smell and actually swallow it. For all the food that I haven’t been able to eat here, I don’t think that I have lost any weight as I am having to get my sustenance out of bags of chips or things that are pre-packaged which is rather unfortunate.

We drove about 40 minutes out of Cuernavaca today to Las Grutas. It is a big cave where you can see all the formations that occur naturally from the dripping water. It was very cool to see but I couldn’t help thinking that it is so beautiful and sunny out and I am going to spend 2 hours under the earth where I could be basking in the sun’s glow. We had a guide and as Susan leaned over to me and said on our way out, that tour was just so “Mexican”. We didn’t really learn about history, geology, or how the cave was discovered. Our Spanish speaking tour guide walked us 2 kilometers (about 1.2 miles) into the barely lit cave and proceeded to tell us about what he thinks the different formations look like. Some examples were a woman laying in profile with very large breasts (which he made her move up and down, simulating a certain activity, by holding a flash light up to the rocks and casting a shadow onto the back wall of the cave), a bear, and of course Our Lady Guadalupe (La Virgen). It is amazing how you can find religion in pretty much anything.

Speaking of La Virgen- There are these little shrines set up everywhere down here in her memory. All along the road sides you can see these sort of shadow boxes set up with an image of her and candles all around. People deck out the front of their house with La Virgen. Most times she has all sorts of blinking Christmas lights adorning her. I actually saw a semi-psychedelic display- she was made into this moving 3-d strobe. Couldn’t help but notice that demonstration. As much as the Catholic religion is filled with pomp and circumstance, convention, and established worship, some of the devotionals are very creative and non-traditional.

In the evening we drove back to Cuernavaca and swam at Conchita’s very well-to-do brother’s house. I was floored as we were granted access through these beautifully carved wooden doors. The gardener let us in as he is in New York right now and rarely stays at this house. I have been told that he has 4 houses in Mexico and a few buildings. I wish I would have been able to take a tour through the whole house. It looked huge from the exterior. I was only allowed to go into the basement to change into my suit and then use the pool and Jacuzzi. We plan to go back tomorrow and swim again. Levi is a bit of a fish. When he is in the water, he is happiest. I have to say, as much as it felt that it was very upper class, We sat in the Jacuzzi and visited about our trip all while we were listening to a couple of turkeys gobble in the background. It helped to keep me grounded- I am still in Mexico.

I can feel the end nearing as we are approaching the weekend. Helio is sad and so am I. I think Levi can tell too. Last night he actually requested that his dad put him to bed and not me. (That has never happened) I think that it will be especially difficult to get Levi to understand that dad isn’t coming back or coming home from work when we get back. Currently, every time that Helio walks away from us Levi starts yelling, “Dad, dad, dad”. I keep trying to ignore the fact that we have no plan after I leave and I don’t know when/if I will see him again. We have to go back to Jona to pack up all of the things I have brought along and collected along the way. Then we will go to D.F. to spend a day with his friend Galileo. Helio says there is no sun there because of all the smog. I will do my best to get what I can while I am still able. Just a few days left of trying to act like a normal family in an extraordinary scenario but it will be nice to just watch TV and see what is happening on Entertainment Tonight. (Honestly, I have no idea what is happening in world events or worse yet, in the lives of Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes, Madonna, the music world and other misc. movie stars)

01.08.07 Day 21, Mexico Trip 1

Today we went to two pyramid sites. The first ones we went to are just about 5 minutes away from Conchita’s house in Cuernavaca. The big pyramid there is called Teopanzolco. Amazingly, nobody was there except the 5 of us. Helio says that there are pyramids all over Mexico and they all line up with each other because they are following the stars. Susan and I were commenting on how odd it is that there weren’t a signs all over as they would have in London about where to walk and what not to touch and how there wasn’t anything to purchase in the office like they would have in the United States. There wasn’t even a map or take away postcard. Your experience there must all be committed to memory or film.

Later in the afternoon we went to Tepostlan. The city is so cool there. It is very much like Sedona Arizona. Many artists and hippies live there. We climbed a big mountain. I did it in a skirt and flip flops no less, nothing like planning a day adventure. I think I was in a bit of denial that we would actually go up that massive hill. We just kept climbing and climbing and before I knew it, I had to take a sit as I was feeling a little light headed and a bit vomitous. We finally made it up to the top and it was so worth it. I can’t believe that people actually built a pyramid on the top of a hill all by hand. El Tepozteco is the name of that pyramid. Just as we were approaching the top we came across a cross and posted sign in memoriam of some dude falling to his death at that very site. Good little reminder to use caution. Helio carried Levi for the majority of the ascension and decline. Every time I tried to help I felt like I was going to fall or pass out. He is strong like a bull.




Apparently it is cool with the local government to consume what we would call illegal substances in the U.S in Tepostlan. We were greeted by some guy that could barely speak when we finally reached semi-flat land. He wanted us to come into his house and have a drink with him. We refused and opted for a great little restaurant and some tacos (of course).

After our pyramid quest and mountain sportsmanship we drove back to Jonacatepec so that Susan and Jonathan could see where Helio grew up. By the time we all arrived I had a terrible migraine and needed to pass out in bed with a little help from Imitrex. (I am so glad I got that prescription filled before I left) Helio, Susan, and Jonathan sat outside and visited and actually took a walk around town while I sweated it out in the stuffy bedroom with a kid who wouldn’t stop grinding his teeth. We didn’t bring the fan with us and I thought that I would never make it through the night. I did make it but not comfortably. I kept waking up thinking, “where can I go to get comfortable”. The answer- back home to my own bed in Minnesota. My only option in Jona was out to the hammock in the yard and I am just not that brave. I swear all surfaces are hard here, the floor, the walls, the bed, the sofa, all things. I have been clinging to these couple of comforters I have been hauling from town to town in our travels and it has proven to be greatly rewarding. I sort of equate it to a bird or a rat making a nest everywhere we go. It is just nice to have something a little soft when you are tossing and turning on a bed with a concrete base. I think Levi appreciates it as well. I think Jona is so much easier to endure in small doses (like a day at a time) and with a girlfriend to understand how running water is a necessity.

01.07.07 Day 20, Mexico Trip 1

I take back anything I have ever felt or said that is negative about Conchita. (Helio’s ex-step-mom) Yes, she comes on very strong and sort of mothers me a bit more than I can handle but wow, she has rescued me. We are staying at her beautiful house. It is the best, cleanest, organized house I have seen thus far. She is exactly what I needed.

I did the wifely thing and planted a little seed with her while Helio was out looking for our friends. She started asking me about immigration and what is happening as she isn’t getting all the answers she is looking for from Helio. I, of course, started crying. It was just being around someone that cares for Helio like a mother and not because of all the things I have said. She has her own relationship with him regardless of me. I told her about how he is living and what the conditions are like. She kept saying, “I have asked him to stay with us over and over, I call his dad’s house and his girlfriend gets mad but I don’t care, he is my son” She does sincerely love him and wants to do everything in her power to help him. I am really hoping she leans on him after I leave to stay here. It is so nice and Helio needs some mothering. When he entered the room to go to sleep last night I could see a little brightness in him. I think he needs some parenting and someone to make a fuss over him.

Conchita and Solomon (her husband of 19 years) are so happy to have us here. He is actually very funny. I guess when I met them for the first time I was so wrapped up in getting married that I didn’t notice that. Conchita has made a plan for us for the next few days and totally has my interest in mind. She has made a point to make sure I never have to stay in Jona again. They both don’t say anything but they both think it is filthy and oppressive.

Conchita and Solomon are actually very well off here. Helio has always told me that but I haven’t really understood what he meant. They own a few rental properties and that store. They took us to eat at this ultra fancy posh golf course with all their friends today. It was such a weird contrast to be wearing the same dirty clothes for days to trying my best to get Levi to not act like a total maniac so I didn’t embarrass them. Conchita was actually trying to get Levi to use the proper hand when eating. Well then- Levi did a good job of behaving other than launching his truck behind him and it sailing through the air to fall over the balcony to the people eating on the lower level, that’s my kid.

When we got back from the golf course we walked around a bit, I bought a new hat, and we stopped in at a restaurant- that had a teacher. It was awesome. The teacher played with Levi and played games with him and other kids. We were able to sit as adults and visit without chasing after him. It was incredible. Mexico does understand kids and parenting, I really like that.

We went to the Lucha Libre last night. Yes, it is exactly like Nacho Libre and it was so weird to see it for real. They had the masks and the outfits. I have to say it was so cool to go but by the second match it got a little boring. We bought masks and posed for the camera then returned to Conchita’s to put Levi to sleep. We then sat on her roof terrace and visited until none of us could keep our eyes open. Helio says that Conchita is so happy that we are here as they have 2 spare rooms and nobody comes to visit. It so works for me. She wants to cook for us, gives me clean towels, and calls me hija (daughter) all the time. That is something I have struggled with in the past, like I said, she comes on strong but so did Helio- maybe it is just a Mexican thing. I prefer for people to be hestitant and a little rude at first. I need to warm up. She can call me hija as much as she wants. She has saved me down here.

I am off to find an Internet Café as yesterday they were supposed to be open but the guy who said they would open at 10 must have had too much tequila because he was a no show all day. Love you all, I will be back in action next Monday.

01.06.07 Day 19, Mexico Trip 1

It’s 8pm and Levi and I are sitting in a hotel room in Cuernavaca watching more cartoons in Spanish- tonight it is the Bernstein Bears, just all in Spanish. I lollygagged today at Playa Azul. I got up at 7:30 and went to the beach. Then I cooked myself in the sun again until I finally had to force myself out of a hammock to pack our bags again. (all of my clothes are so dirty and smelly, I have worn them all over and over and have washed a couple times- maybe I am a princess, I like clean clothes) We left Playa Azul with a reservation to return on Monday with Susan and Jonathan. We started out around 1pm which obviously, was not enough time to get Levi and me to Cuernavaca and Helio on a bus to pick up our friends in D.F. by 9:30. You just can’t tell what you are going to get for traffic here. The roads are so twisty, windy, and bumpy that is hard not to get car sick- especially when you are reading. I try to read because I can’t help but feel depressed when I see how trashed the country side is here.

By the time we arrived in Cuernavaca my efforts to remain clean after my shower just didn’t work. It took almost 6 hours to return to Cuernavaca when it should have taken between 4 and 5. Helio doesn’t want to use the air as he thinks he is going to catch his death by air conditioning and if Levi has a cough he totally blames it on that. So, we had to drive with the windows open which really doesn’t make a huge difference when you have to drive slowly through towns to get over the topes. Those topes are going to be the end of me.

Helio quickly parked the truck when we arrived and then we had to foot it about 15 blocks to his ex-step-mom’s boutique. He had high hopes that we could stay at her house. However, he hasn’t been able to get a hold of her one time since Levi and I have arrived (personally, I don’t think he has the right phone number). So there was a hotel across the street and near anger, sweating with a 40 pound backpack on my back and a 33 pound toddler on my hip, I just said, “I am staying there, I don’t care what happens” So, for $45, we are in a lovely hotel in downtown Cuernavaca and I feel sort of relieved to just have some Levi and I time, maybe I have just become too accustomed to single parenting. +I don’t think Helio is a good planner and it makes me mental. I am hoping that it is just something that everyone endures in their marriages but when I am sitting in silence allowing him to “figure it out” I repeat in my head “well, if I had figured this out, we would not be experiencing this”. Maybe I am just arrogant. We are NOT good candidates for The Amazing Race, we would probably be disqualified for vulgarity and evil looks.

I can’t believe that we will be boarding a plane in about a week. It seems to have gone by quickly and then also, it seems to have been a long time since I was worrying about the bandits in my back alley trying to break into my car. (let’s be honest, I still lay in bed and worry they are breaking into my car and that my tire is flat and that there will be 6 feet of snow in my driveway when I get back and I will have to shovel it all before I get to work on Monday) But, Staring at the Sea as The Cure says, it just so amazing. It will be sad to leave.

I am so excited for Susan to come. I am sure I will have lots of good pictures to send home and some good stories too. I am also happy to spend a little time in Cuernavaca. After Levi and I brought our backpack up to the room we walked around downtown a little. It is really pretty. We were here a week and a half ago but I didn’t have a lot of leisure time. It is lovely here, sort of reminds me of what I have seen in movies of a small little town in Italy. There were all sorts of vendors- food, jewelry, kid’s toys, etc. and entertainers such as fire jugglers and the like in the huge open courts they have down here. It is beautiful. I was sort of complaining that I didn’t want to leave Playa Azul yesterday but I think it is good to hang here until we go back on Monday. My skin could use a rest from the biting ants and the sun.

Bless the people in Chilpancingo, they have McDonalds. When we pulled into the parking lot Levi started jumping up and down in the car. He and I stood out so much in the kids play area. It actually made me feel super uncomfortable. That and the extremely loud Mexican version of “So This is Christmas” playing on the loud speaker. There was a loop of like 5 traditional American Christmas songs blasting in Spanish the whole time we were there, while they might have the right songs, I don’t think that they know that the day after New Year’s, the holiday season is kaput in the states, I think they should take suit, be done with it already. I felt like everyone was watching my little blonde kid running through the play area and I felt a little protective. I have the crazy irrational mother instinct of someone is going to swipe him up in a flash and he will be gone forever. If I could put a leash on him, I would.

To get directions Helio stops anyone within ear shot on the street and first yells something like “Primo” (cousin), “Hermano” (brother) “Cuate” (friend)- depending on his/her authoritative look and his mood, he determines how close he and the stranger really are. I see how so many of his habits that sort of embarrass me at home have been birthed. Here, I guess you have to yell out the window to get directions without stopping- we usually come to a slow roll but he gets his directions and then we are off. He has no problem stopping an Army official to ask for directions or where a certain restaurant is. All with his huge riffle and his hard hat (really that has to be so hot in the sun). With those guys, he usually uses “Primo”, I think he just wants to be related to someone that does something other than cook chickens or lay in a hammock.

I need a pedicure so badly. My feet are so dry and cracked from walking around without shoes. (I know, rough life) I need a buff and a polish and feel so guilty that I think of it like 50 times a day when Helio is trying to figure out how to live on $300 until he finds some sort of income. Part of me thinks “well, you really should have done something about that before you were left with $300” and the other part of me feels really bad for him. I just want him out of this country and home where he belongs. He is so ready. Sometimes when he isn’t around, I just start crying about it. He is just so different because of this experience. He lost his drive, his spark, and his interest. There isn’t anything to strive for down here. I understand why people just don’t try, what is there to try for? The country is just such a mess and I feel like all those people who are risking their lives sleeping for weeks in the desert along the border in hopes that some “coyote” can get them over are just hoping for more in a place where they can actually get more. Those are the people with ambitions, drive, and hope.

I figured out I lost one of my journal entries from the first of January. That makes me sad because I am such a space case I can’t remember what I said but I thought it was interesting.

01.06.07 Day 18, Mexico Trip 1

The good things about Mexico are the following:
1. Most refrigeration is turned up too high so when you crack open a diet coke, you get a little frost for your first few drinks, it is a great treat.
2. Raw salt from the sea. It is so good and natural.
Limes, lots of good, juicy fresh limes, not just a dried up brown slice of lime that you get in the U.S., this is serious business down here and you gets lots, usually they bring you a full plate full.
3. You kind of get over yourself here, there are lots of ugly, fat people walking around; so you don’t feel like a whale when you wear a two-piece. I have met a handful of people for the first time here in a bathing suit which is totally not something I would do at home. I am not looking forward to heading back to reality on my swim suit attire when I return.
4. Learning not to worry about Sheraton, it took me until week three, but it finally happened for me, again, I am not looking forward to that mess when I return.

Mexico will sell you anything, they package up used batteries and sell them for 10 pesos a piece ($1). They put them in a little baggie and sell them right back to people. My camera keeps dying here, I think it is the heat, so when I went last night for batteries I had to ask the 8 year old behind the counter running the till not only the price per battery but also it comes in a factory direct package. I struck a deal there, probably the only one I have thus far in my Mexico trip.

Palm trees lean towards the ocean, if you are lost and you are trying to get to the ocean, you just have to drive in the direction of which way the palm trees are leaning.

You can burn the shells of coconuts after you have sucked out all the juice from them. Lots of people down here drink coconut juice with some sort of liquor in it that I have never heard of- Helio says that the dried coconuts make good kinling and they are supposed to be great to cook with on your indoor/outdoor grill. Many homes close to the ocean have piles and piles of them outside in their yard. I wouldn’t want to look at heaps of dried up coconuts every morning over my grape nuts but then again I , often times, have three cars in my yard to look at each morning on my way out.

We made it back to Playa Azul on Friday. We were greeted with such warmth and kindness. Levi has made us regular celebrities. It took us nearly four hours to return here so as Helio was trying to see if a room was available I threw all my normal American rules out and put my kid and myself in their pool. I didn’t know if we would be able to stay or if I would get yelled at but we were both dripping (literally) with sweat that I just didn’t care. Levi, finally, woke back up. I found the cold medicine I packed “just in case” and gave him some as we drove out of Zihuatenejo as he was mental from his cold. I nearly had to ask Helio to pull over to throw up on our return trip. I had two coffees in the morning bc I could, and there was coffee to be purchased, the roads are twisty/windy up the mountain to get back, and I thought that I had given Levi too much cold medicine as he was out cold in the back seat. Luckily, it was just a mixture of the bad experience we had just endured in Ixtapa/Zihuatenejo, the heat, and the meds. He is totally fine now.

As Levi and I were swimming in the pool, the staff ladies yelled down to him by name, “Hola Levi, gracias que regresaste” (hi Levi, thanks for coming back) The people around here want to touch his hair. He works it- He gets a sucker from all pretty near every place we stop and there is an old lady sitting in a chair. Her payback is to be able to touch his hair. It is pretty funny.

The residents of the neighboring town to Playa Azul honestly receive their daily ration of water delivered via horse drawn cart. The horse pulls a cart with a big metal tub of water behind it. The shirtless guy manning the cart then stops at each house and uses a big hose to fill up what I can only assume is something similar to the baptismal pool in Jona.
There is only one kind of gas station here, Pemex. Helio says that businesses here don’t have competition, creating a monopoly for whichever type of commerce you want to go into. The phones are the same way, only Telcel. You know the Mexican government gets a big chunk of their profit, Mexico is so messed up.

I laid in that gross hotel room last night and tried to watch a little news via Spanish/Mexican translation. I saw a clip of something happening on the senate floor. Honest to God, I teared up when I saw the American flag behind the person who was speaking. I have never experienced that in my life. I wouldn’t consider myself this big patriot but when you are deprived of your country for a month (yes, by choice) you start to see the beauty of the United States. I know there is so much bad happening at home, but I just want to be back there. As much as I want that, I am sure I will be totally depressed once I am stuck wearing multiple layers and have to walk those three stinking blocks from the parking ramp to the office. (I hate that walk and it is so much worse when the wind rips through you, thank God for the genius of Apple and their Ipods)

There is a store here on Playa Azul called Jesus y Edgar. I can’t help but silently giggle every time I see it. You would think I would be used to that by now, maybe I am just extremely immature.

01.04.07 Day 17, Mexico Trip 1

Ixtapa/Zijuatenejo not my favorite place. As we arrived, I felt great relief in the site of multiple story buildings and large graphically composed billboards but as we got into the city and had to interact with the locals, I felt that I was going to start throwing punches. I am so tired of people trying to take advantage of us and myself especially since I am a gringa. You know what buddy- I understand every word you are saying and I know you are not nice. Don’t try to get one more peso out of me.

Helio, of course, did not make a reservation in Ixtapa although that has been the plan for like 3 months that we would go there after the New Year when the prices dropped. (he must have been busy) Well, the prices did not drop and the people didn’t go home. There was some random dude standing on the side of the road trying to hustle Helio into renting a room above Domino’s Pizza for $130. All the other hotel rooms were booked. We tried a few hotels ourselves to make sure and there wasn’t a space available. Mind you during our hunt I had a drippy nose kid sweating in what I swear is 150 degrees down here. And those who tell you “it’s not hot in Mexico bc it is dry heat”- they are liars, it is tropical, greasy and plain icky after a while. As we were leaving Playa Azul, the 5 people who we picked up on our way out to drop at the neighboring town kept saying, “oh you are hot bc you took a shower today, that always makes it more hot” What? I did indeed take a shower and I stood in that shower for like 15 minutes not knowing when the next one would come.

I thought we were going to make it off the island quickly and bc I was feeling a bit crabby with Helio was trying to wait out his goodbyes in the car- sweating. But then he returned and said, everyone is asking for Levi and wants to say goodbye to him. Thus, I had to go say goodbye as well. I was embraced by a few women and children I had no idea who they were, beautiful when you are slimy and they are slimy. Then to my great stress Helio announced we are going to take these three women and these couple kids to the next town. I had to turn around, I nearly started something with him right there. I think I muttered something out loud like “oh dear Lord” and rolled my eyes, I think it was obvious. Then as I tried to cram myself and Levi into the front seat and the five of them in the backseat with all my stuff, they went on and on about the seafood on the island. They asked if I had the shrimp there, I hadn’t. They then shoved one of the two bowls they had with them in my face and offered the spicy smelling shrimp they were bringing along. I declined. The other bowl had cut up raw fish in it. It smelled great in the truck after that.

I had a meltdown when we finally made it to a hotel in Zihuatenejo. It looked like the kind of hotel room that I imagine when I am reading books and people have lost all their money and are hitting bottom. Everything was made out of concrete, the bed base, the dresser, the closet, the walls- the window frame was painted on. I thought we had to pay $100 for that and when Helio said it was actually $130 I had him march right down there and ask for our money back. Of course, we didn’t get it. But I made them give us another room as our air didn’t work, there wasn’t an outlet for my big box fan I have been toting along, and we were put in a room with a huge neon sign of the balcony that said “Hotel Zihuatenejo”. The saddest thing about going to Ixtapa is that I am sure that it would be a great place to visit- with a freaking Reservation! I felt so relieved for like 20 minutes and then my world came crashing down on me. I am sure there was a McDonald’s there and I didn’t get any. I will have to wait until I get back to Minnesota or maybe there will be some in Cuernavaca. We are going there on Saturday and going back to Playa Azul on Monday.

After I called my mom and bawled my eyes out, I found an Internet Café. (I really do feel bad, I sat down on the bed, grabbed the clean towel that was left for showering, put it over my face and sobbed, Levi didn’t know what to do, he started crying too and I just couldn’t stop) Levi is so sick and very difficult to deal with bc of all his cold drainage, heat, and travel time in the car. I really feel bad for him. I discovered that indeed my friend Susan from London got her passport back from the London government, they had to renew it. She and Jonathan, her English boyfriend, are coming. In a way, I guess I did hit bottom in a seedy hotel, like so many novels I have read. I lost it and then found my friend Susan who is going to come and fill out my whole next week. She is amazing and so low key (we are total opposites on the hyper spectrum) she will be great to spend time with. We have been friends for like 15 years, she is the one who was our chaperon when Helio and I started dating and translated for us, and was in our wedding. So our plan is (bc I finally made a plan, I can’t take Helio’s aloofness anymore- or maybe a better word is footloose) We will go back to Playa Azul today (Friday) and either sleep in the car, at Bebo’s mom’s house, or in the hotel, then to Cuernavaca for Saturday and Sunday, then to Playa Azul for a couple days with Susan and Jonathan. Then to Jona for a couple days, on to D.F. for Friday- and then Sunday morning Levi and I board the plane for home. It makes me sad to leave Helio and the sun, but I can’t wait to just have a computer/internet at my disposal (Mexico doesn’t have three way plug outlets, so another tip, if you are traveling with a laptop, bring a plug to charge anything that may need it) and eat anything that is not wrapped in a tortilla.

01.03.07 Day 16, Mexico Trip 1

You know how sometimes you try to make a moment out of nothing and other times you try to downplay a moment because you don’t want to cry. It is so hard here to not be swept up with emotions, especially when you realize you are just one person standing on an enormous beach and there are fish way bigger than you right out there. It is truly amazing.

There are wild animals all over the place down here. I have seen the following animals just wandering around without an owner, pigs, roosters, dogs and cats of course, cows, and horse drawn carriages. I have seen horses tied up to the front porch of a couple houses here. The house may be falling down but they have a horse to high tail it out of there.

We went for a boat ride in Bebo’s uncles ferry is what I would call it. Bebo and his family live next door to the hotel where we are staying. His wife’s family lives down stream. So we were happily swimming at the hotel when I heard Bebo yelling to Helio from the back fresh water. He wanted us to go with to drop off 2 of his 3 kids so they could go to the fair. I refused at first as there weren’t any life jackets and the boat looked like something I have seen in cartoons or movies. It had a thatched roof made out of palm branches. On the side it says “Gracias a Dios” Thanks to God. On the inside I kept staring at this little painting that said, Jesus en ti confio- Jesus in you I trust. That made me feel a little worried on our way out but I finally got comfortable. Levi has no fear, he wanted to sit up in the front of course. He loves adventure. Helio had him posing like dude in Titanic on our way back. It was actually pretty funny.

On our way back from dropping off Bebo’s kids- we picked up a few other people. Two of which were pretty handicapped. One, I couldn’t figure out if he/she was a boy/girl and the other was in a wheelchair. Helio of course was right there in the water to help get that guy in the boat. (he had the bushiest eyebrows I have ever seen in my life- I would have taken a picture but I didn’t want to be that obvious)

It is so sad to see how people regard this country. They throw trash wherever they feel like it. When Bebo had to fill up the tank with gas he just threw the empty container into the river afterwards. The whole river is covered in trash and it is so sad. There is such natural beauty here and the people just don’t care to take after it.

Levi fell asleep at Bebo’s house in a hammock. I thought had completed the task of getting Levi to fall asleep in the hammock but Bebo’s wife went in to tie it up. It was genius. I don’t have a hammock like this one but it is nylon and really big. Of course their whole house is made out of concrete block walls and a concrete floor. So what they do to make sure their kids don’t fall out is they tie up the top so they can’t get out. I am so going to look for one of these hammocks while we are down here. It is like they are packaged fish in a net swinging in there but wow, I didn’t worry for a moment that he was going to fall out. It was great. For some reason the people here are enamored with Levi. Bebo’s wife kept going into swing him back and forth. At one point she was cooking, dancing with her birthday husband, watching after her 1 year old, taking care of her nephew, and swinging my kid in their hammock. Very talented lady and she can’t be older than 28.

When we were walking back from Bebo’s concrete house last night I thought I saw a dog out of the corner of my eye- I am a little afraid of the dogs down here, you know they haven’t had their rabies shots. Ah, nothing to fear, that is just a couple of wild pigs sleeping in that bush, not dogs. See pictures.

I have a serious tan now. While sitting on the beach, a lady with a basket balanced on her head stopped and sold me for $2 crema de tortuga, Cream of Turtles, 100% authentic. I was hesitant at first but I smelled it- it wasn’t awful. I slathered it all over my reddish skin and now, no sting and all brown.

We are on our way to Ixtapa today. I must get my things together and put on a tank top, this sweatshirt, not the thing for the beach.

01.02.07 Day 15, Mexico Trip 1

I think it is near to impossible to be sitting by the ocean and feel any sort of angry, sad, dreary feeling. It is just so great here. Today we decided to stay again at the little hotel at Playa Azul. Levi is sick but it has been nothing too major. It is such a great feeling to wake up in the morning and walk across the street to the ocean.

I have finished 3 of the 5 books I brought with me and am half way through the fourth. Helio thinks I am crazy as he has never read an entire book in his life. I read, Levi and Helio chase after people on the beach who have caught swordfish and pose with it like they caught it themselves. I didn’t realize that a swordfish is so blue. -Very pretty.

Our hotel room is sort of like a cave. I am really glad that I didn’t make Helio take us somewhere else though. The whole trip here I kept hearing myself repeat in my head, “I hate Mexico” and now that we have arrived here at Playa Azul I really don’t think that anymore. I love it here and wish we could have stayed here the whole time. I see why some people give up their whole lives to just go a be shore men. I guess I kind of understand Hemmingway now. I still don’t like any of his writing, but I do like the ocean and this sort of life. Although, I still have to say, it seems like people have nothing to do here and just lay in hammocks and wait for people to come by for them to talk to. I prefer to be a little busier than that.

I got comfortable with our hotel room and then when we returned from three hour favor of driving to pick up a friend’s wife from work it was dark. The electrical pole that is right outside our room was sparking- our roof is made out of dried palm branches. When Helio asked me what are you staring at as I was frozen in my tracks staring up at the potential source of the end of my life, I just pointed up. He went to talk to the hotel staff about it and of course came back from his conversation, reporting, “they say, that it always does that, not to worry, nothing will happen” You would never get away with something like that back home. I will be happy to be back in the land of code regulation and common sense in a couple weeks.


Helio has a family friend who lives here on what I would call an island. His name is something but I don’t remember- they call him Bebo. On one side of the strip of land the hotel is on, there is the ocean, on the back side is what they call Agua Dulce- freshwater. They fish for shrimp there. It is beautiful at night and I never want to go back to Jona. It is so gross and dirty there. Bebo is a fisherman. He sleeps in a hammock in the day and waits until it is dark to go out and fish by moonlight. These are not ordinary fisherman, they don’t use a motor on their boat, they use paddles. They also don’t use fishing poles, they use nets. The boats are super low to the water and I refuse to “try it out” as I have been asked. I keep remembering a story my mom told me about how she was somewhere in Mexico and in order to get to a different location they had to take a boat and she saw her life flash before her eyes during that ride. I don’t want to have a similar experience.

Helio was so smart and brought the coffee pot with on our new “Travel Mexico” trip. It is the one thing that brings some sort of familiarity to my day. That coffee pot has seen its travels, starting all the way from
Walgreens on Hiawatha.




I finally got full and had a hot shower. While day dreaming in the first hot shower of course my mind made the parallel of full belly and a hot shower, finally, it is almost like I have been in jail for the last couple weeks. Not anymore, now I am living in paradise, the name of the hotel tells me so- Paraiso, Playa Azul.

Our bathroom is a toilet on one wall and a shower spicket on the opposite wall. I am so so happy to have a hot shower that I think that I have taken the longest showers I have ever had in my life. When I am standing in the hot stream I can’t help but think of the water pulling the caulk up around the toilet, but I don’t have to live here, so I will just continue to shower and let the water pool around the toilet.

12.31.06 Day 13, Mexico Trip 1

New Year’s was of course a bust as well. We went swimming again at Atotonilco which was fun. Levi loves to swim and is so good at sharing with other kids- toys and things like that. I am always so proud when there is a little kid screaming because they are afraid of the water and my kid is trying to either comfort him/her or jump off the deep end. We came home and had a long nap. The water and sun do that to a two year old. We then went over to Jose Luis/Rafa’s parent’s house. The outdoor courtyard there is great but that is about it. The inside, I don’t want to spend any time in there. We then went home to what I thought was the end of the day. Jose Luis and Raul came over for a little bit and when we were sitting at the table I thought I heard fireworks going off. I tried to tell Levi that was the case and Raul and Jose Luis started laughing, saying, no those are gun shots. I guess it is Mexican tradition to shoot off your pistol to bring in the New Year. They then went on to say how many people end up dead from stray bullets around this time of year. I then opted for bed- no need to get myself dead over a crazy Mexican tradition. I woke up about 45 minutes later to about 20 people sitting outside with Helio- that’s enough to make a mom crabby. I struggled all night after that to get Levi to sleep.

The bathroom stalls here are so super duper small. The Mexicans do not understand knee space. I literally have to sit on the toilet sideways in order to shut the half door when I try to use a public toilet. Mind you, there are not any toilet seats, but I think you all know that already. There is something very gross about sitting on the rim of a toilet. I guess the benefit of such a small toilet stall is you never have to guess if it is occupied, if it is- there are feet hanging out the bottom for sure.

We are supposed to start out Mexico tour tomorrow- Playa Azul, Acapulco, Puebla, D.F., I am so ready. I can’t stand sitting in Jona anymore. I have to say though, it has been nice having Jose Luis and Jodi around. We were able to talk for about an hour last night about how angry they were the whole time they were going through this immigration thing last year. Jodi said, “just think Manda, I know this means nothing now, but once he gets his papers, it is just over” I have known that but it just is such a foggy goal to aim for. You just never know when it is all going to be over. I never in a million years thought that when I married Helio and started the immigration process that it was going to be this hard. I expected it to be challenging but I did not think that the government would enforce us to be separated for over a year. That is enough to make one crabby all the time. When Helio left the driveway back in September, I guess it was better being delusional, I really thought he would be back in 4-6 months. When Levi and I return, it will only have been 2 actual months of our waiting process since his file wasn’t transferred until November. Regardless, I am going to start calling in February, which will be 4 months from his original appointment date.

12.30.06 Day 12, Mexico Trip 1

Yesterday morning (Friday) I had to go over to Helio’s aunt’s house for breakfast. They served pozole (chicken and hominy soup) and hamburgers for breakfast. My pozole is much better- greasier bc I use pork & chicken, for more flavor- there were 13 people for breakfast until the second wave of Helio’s family arrived which brought about 6 more people. That is a lot of people for a morning meal. When they asked me “Manda, do you want a hamburger” I nearly choked on my Coca Light. Thank God for Coca Light, without it, I would get nothing all day. The breakfast conversation consisted of two of Helio’s uncles trying to convince me to feed the meat of a parrot to Levi to get him to talk. As much as I appreciate their concern and that they are willing to offer their advice, it is not something that I am willing to feed my kid. When Tio Marcos arrived from the house next door, he had a wide open fly that was direct in my line of view as he approached the table to sit next to me and a bag diagonally strapped over his chest with a machete in it. Not sure what he needed it for, but he had a knife in case someone needed one.

I had a dream last night that I met Mark O’s little boy from Ethiopia. He liked to sing the itsy bitsy spider and was very sweet. I can’t wait to meet him.

The outlet plug-ins are super loose here. I can’t keep my computer plugged in let alone get a connection speed that works. I can’t wait to get back to modern technology.

Helio finally started to feel my pain with can’t really eat anything problem I am having. He decided that we would go to Cuautla last night for a real dinner. So, I banked on it all day. When we finally got to Cuautla last night, Helio couldn’t find the seafood restaurant that makes Mojarras (which I love, it is a deep fried sea bass that you put salt, lime, and Valentina hot sauce on, super good with tortillas, rice, and beans) He thinks they closed the restaurant. So, he said, ah, they have great pizza at this place- not the case. The pizza down here is awful. They don’t put sauce on their pizza. So our pizza was bread, with cut up hotdogs, pineapple, and what I think was mozzarella cheese. When we were waiting for our pizza, I noticed two different flavors of hot sauce on the table and a bottle of catsup (not Heinz). The folks here put ketchup on their pizza with hot sauce. I watched everyone in the restaurant do so. Gross- I asked for Parmesan cheese and the waiter looked at me like I was demanding and just shook his head, to me, meaning- lady, we don’t have that kind of stuff in Mexico, go back to where you came from gringa. If you go to Mexico- bring a sack lunch. It makes you very sad when you can’t eat for weeks at a time. Those of you at work- beware- I totally feel a need to cook a bunch when I return, just because I can. Funny, I never thought of myself as a food and beverage snob, here I appear to be a totally stuck up princess. Helio has to make excuses for me every time we are to eat with people he knows.

We are to go to Nancy’s house tonight for New Year’s Eve after we go swimming again at Atotonilco. I am hoping that Levi will be flexible and sleep at her house. It is just down the street from where we are. Helio says we are leaving on the 2nd and I am dying to do so. I want to go to a bigger city where at least they have a McDonald’s. In error yesterday I asked Levi if he wanted French fries, thinking we could get some when we went to Cuautla, he started jumping up and down. I need to find a McDonald’s for him, poor kid, he has a little of the Montezuma’s revenge as well, which is terribly gross for his mother.

I am praying that Helio moves to Cancun after we leave. Therefore, if we have to come down and visit again, we will be in a very tourist area with food options and a beach. They have to have a Starbucks there. I need some coffee.

12.29.06 Day 11, Mexico Trip 1

I had a terrible dream last night that Levi wasn’t really mine and I had to give him back. (He was actually Jackie Maher’s little boy, the Kohler rep) I was sobbing in my sleep and kept calling my mom to say, what do I do? Levi means everything to me. I think that being here in Jona makes me feel like I have nothing familiar and Levi is the only thing that keeps me feeling normal. (Him and my laptop) I am getting ready to blow this pop stand.

I think I passed the threshold from trying to be humored by this experience to crabby about it yesterday (Friday). I am sick of little kid birthday parties and stopping at everyone’s house to just say “hi”. There has to be more to a day than that. There is more to me than just producing children and watching them swat at a Paper Mache cartoon characters. I want to do something. I tried to explain to Helio that it isn’t everyone who gets to take a near month off from work and go sit in a foreign country. I want to take advantage of my time. I don’t mind doing nothing; let’s just go do it at the beach. I want to go shopping. Helio has a hard time even giving me pesos to buy a diet coke with. (Coca light) I am going to confiscate the money that I had him recently take out of the account and hold on to it. I am sick of asking and being given a lecture every time I spend money about how long that could last him vs. me wanting to buy more soda. I keep telling him, people here may be poor but we are not poor. He doesn’t see it that way.

We went to Andrea’s (Rafa’s youngest) birthday party last night. The piñata was twice the size of Levi. Levi was a bit nutty the whole time because his mom didn’t think ahead and give him something to eat before we went. He yelled and ran around during the pallasos (clowns) skit. I get so uncomfortable when my kid just won’t behave like all the other kids especially when we are the only 2 gringos in the group and the clowns continue to say to my kid “seintense guero” (sit down whitey). We were told to arrive at 5 but of course the party didn’t get started until 6:30 and they didn’t eat until 7:30. He was so hungry that the soupy tamales they served were just fine by him. I nearly started crying. I just want a regular plate of food where it tastes good, was prepared hygienically, and I get full, preferably with a great cup of coffee and a to-die-for dessert after dinner. I haven’t had a meal in who knows how long. I literally had tears well up in my eyes when they brought me my plate of soggy tamales, a small bun with something that tasted like tuna on it, Jell-O (the hard kind made from scratch, not the Bill Cosby Jell-O) and wet cake that sort of looked like hosed down tiramisu after it sat on my plate for a while. The only thing I have eaten for the past couple days is buttered noodles with parmesan cheese and orange juice, and those are things I look forward to. I just want some food and I don’t want to get sick from it.

Helio has become crabby with me and has taken to calling me a “Reina” -queen. I am really trying to make do here but this feels crazy. I have had 1 hot shower since I arrived, I am hungry, I feel like I am constantly at a family party, I haven’t had a moment alone with Helio and haven’t had this much time to parent Levi since he was an infant. I am glad to have the time with Levi but when he wants to run all over and not listen, I just want to bring him to daycare and go to work. Does that make me the world’s worse mom? I am sure that many people talked about us after the birthday party last night and I hate that. You are just put so on display and I am so tired of it. -Especially the women. Jodi and Jose Luis were there and they kept trying to tell me that things were fine; they just don’t have a super active 2 year old and a husband who thinks that it is fine to let him stand up on the chairs and stick his fingers in the cake before it is cut.

Well- I am off to try to get a better attitude about things. Maybe if I had some me time and a little bit of privacy I could turn this boat around?