Levi is having hit tonsils and adenoids removed tomorrow and I fear that I may become an ogre towards Helio for it. In times of crisis or possible tension Helio falls into himself and goes away to never-never land. In other words, he is sort of like the walking dead- zombie like. This is one of those reasons why I tend to spend much of my time googling my friends via my blackberry when something big is going on. It’s a habit I have learned. I like feedback. I also like for someone to be able to handle my outbursts that illustrate minor moments of fear and anxiety. Eventually, I come around and I know that things will be fine. However, it is the way I mentally process- first everything is falling apart and we are all gonna die, then within 5 minutes or so, I have rationalized things for myself, taken a deep breath, and move on.
I would like to be able to vocalize my fears with someone. It would be great if Helio could be that sounding board. Instead, during the procedure tomorrow he will drill me about if this is the best thing to do, what are the bad things that could happen, and if we were in Mexico, how everyone would be nicer about it not to mention the cost of the whole deal. This would be reason #2 I shut down with him. I don’t want the questions and I don’t want to worry about all of those other things.
Maybe I need to give him a set of rules tonight. I think setting the stage of allowable material during the 40 minute procedure might save me some wasted energy at shooting him evilness with my eyes.
I would like to be able to vocalize my fears with someone. It would be great if Helio could be that sounding board. Instead, during the procedure tomorrow he will drill me about if this is the best thing to do, what are the bad things that could happen, and if we were in Mexico, how everyone would be nicer about it not to mention the cost of the whole deal. This would be reason #2 I shut down with him. I don’t want the questions and I don’t want to worry about all of those other things.
Maybe I need to give him a set of rules tonight. I think setting the stage of allowable material during the 40 minute procedure might save me some wasted energy at shooting him evilness with my eyes.
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2 comments:
Hey you! I don't get it! It sounds like you're saying you want to be able to rant at Helio when things that stress you out, just to work through your thoughts and fears and discover what you really think and get on top of it. *Then* it sounds like you're mad because he wants to talk at you about the parts of the procedure he's scared or unhappy about. And I don't see what the difference is. Aren't you both doing the same thing, with a slightly different spin on it? Or am I reading it all wrong?
Big hugs, amazing gal, & to Helio too!
JB
Oh JB, that's totally it! We just feed off each other in moments of fear that's for sure. It just all comes out angry. Hopefully we can be mature about the whole thing tomorrow. However, I refuse to discuss how much it's gonna cost while at the hospital. Much love back- we miss you guys.
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